Raptor on Hiatus
by rann
Summary: What do out of work animal actors do when a show's on hiatus? Improve their craft. A little tribute to CMS for her birthday from her buddy, Joe the Raptor, and I


**Disclaimer:  **The characters of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Lost World do not belong to me. No infringement of copyrights is intended and no profit is being made from this story.  Arthur the Beetle, Joe the Raptor, Maggie and most of the others do not belong to me.  They just came over to play and have now gone back to the fertile minds of their creators.  Thank you to Alliecat and CMS for such delicious creations.

**Description:**  What do famous animal actors do when their show is in hiatus? Answer: Look for work and when that doesn't pan out, improve their craft.  A birthday fic for CMS, a great friend.

**Thanks** to Ariadne, as always, for the last minute beta since my muse refused to cooperate in a timely fashion.

**Setting:**  Between seasons****

**A Raptor on Hiatus**  
by rann

Joe the Raptor was the last to reach the clearing.  Justin was across the way, so Joe found a spot between Arthur the Beetle and Maggie the T-rex.

"Hey, Joe, I didn't think you were going to make it."  Maggie's unexpectedly dulcet tones were in marked contrast to her ferocious appearance.

"He hasn't started yet, has he?"  Joe asked nervously.  He never liked to be late.

"No, you got a couple of minutes."  Arthur remarked from his rock.  That was the biggest surprise.  Arthur arriving early for something.  He usually liked to flaunt his star status by making an entrance.

"Good.  His classes are so hard to get into."  Joe pulled out a notepad from his briefcase.

"He is the best."  Maggie was known for her patience and getting everything down on the first take.

"I'm surprised to see Justin in the class."  Arthur commented.

"He's devoured one too many extras.  The insurance companies are insisting that he has training before he can be employed on a human interaction set."  As always, Joe was up on the latest gossip.

A hush fell over the group in the clearing as a shadow blotted out the sun.  A raucous call made them catch their breath.  With a precision that drew everyone's admiration, the renowned stage combat instructor Ptery Dactyl landed in the exact center of the clearing.

Baron Ptery von Dactyl folded his wings smartly and clicked his heels, his riding crop tucked under a wing.  With a stern looked he eyed the students gathered around him.  Each of them sat a little straighter, smiles disappeared, eyes faced front.  Without a word, Pterry walked around the circle of students, his monocled eye looking penetratingly at them.  As he passed each student the relief at escaping censure was palpable.

"Humph!"  Ptery was in the center again, visibly unimpressed with his students. "Class!"  All the students leapt up as one, wings and claws straight at their sides.  "You will pay attention.  Is that understood?"  All nodded. 

"We have ways of making you listen!  You have relatives in the old country?"  The sudden gulps of the terrified students gave away to astonishment as a small compsognathus tugged at the pterodactyl's wing.  Pterry glanced down and met the eyes of the small dinosaur.  His mouth twisted with displeasure.  "Yes, you're quite right."  Looking sternly over the gathering.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, my assistant," his beak nodded to the compsognathus, "Compry Bogart."

The small dinosaur produced a clipboard and handed to Ptery.  The long beak moved as his eyes scanned down the list, occasionally glancing at the class.  "You have checked them all in?  Their papers are in order?" 

"Yeah, boss, all of them filled out the insurance disclaimers.  We got no liability problems here."  Compry took the clipboard back from the winged wizard of the stage combat arena.

"Good, good!  Now, class, you will listen closely.  In stage combat, it's most important that no one get hurt.  Stars are expensive.  We do not want to damage them.   As we all have reason to remember, we lost a great actor in Suzy Scorpion."  Ptery stood quietly for a moment as the class fondly remembered Suzy.  Clearing his throat he continued, "So to teach you the proper way, we will first demonstrate on the volunteer the wrong way to do a stunt and then we will show you the right way."  Ptery turned to Compry.  "Drag the volunteer in."

"We got a small problem.  No volunteers."  Compry stage-whispered to Ptery.

"Certainly there are volunteers.  Get a Fashion Plateau intern in here.  The editor is a friend of mine.  She makes sure I always have a regular supply, since her employees never read the fine print of their contracts."  Ptery pointed up the trail with his riding crop.  "They just hit the 'I agree' button.  Fiendishly clever."

"Apparently, she's not adding to her staff as time goes by.  According to the gossip, which is never out of date, she's been too busy doing strange things with steam cleaners to let the fundamental things apply.  No one can deny she's not restocked her supply of interns. The last were used to bribe the Vantu into turning over more pages of Roxton's secret diary." 

"Inexcusable!  Deadlines must be kept.  There are schedules to maintain." Ptery strode around the clearing, his anger making his students shiver in fear.  He contained himself abruptly and looked down at Compry.  "Any word when the next pages are to be published?  Not that I read such trash!"  Ptery sought to regain his well-known attitude.  "Then we shall make do.  I will take a volunteer from the class."  All the students refrained from making eye contact.  Joe made the mistake of sneaking a peek at the famous instructor. 

"You!"  Ptery snapped out.

"Joe the Raptor."  Compry supplied helpfully. 

"Joe, you will stand here and look menacing."  Ptery imperiously pointed to a spot in middle of the clearing.  Joe nervously stepped forward and assumed his best menacing pose.  He put a glint in his eye, leaned forward balancing his weight on his claws as if ready to spring, mouth open prepared to chomp.  "Hmmph, is that the best ferocious look you can manage?"  Ptery looked disgusted.  "Get him the name of that acting coach.  That Saurus fellow is good." 

"But, boss, Bronto stepped on two students last week."  Compry reminded him.

"With their acting ability it was no great loss."  Ptery was unimpressed. 

Compry nodded, making a note on the clipboard.  He remarked sotto voce to Joe, "Here's looking at you, kid…..at least for the time being." 

Ptery addressed his students.  "Now you will watch carefully as we recreate the unforgettable climatic fight scene from Jurassic Park.  John is poised to attack."

"Joe."  Joe corrected helpfully.  Ptery threw him a harsh look.

"We will watch as our T-rex – "  Ptery looked expectantly at Compry.

"Maggie," the compsognathus inserted.

"Maggie, will pick up …Jacob – "  Ptery fumbled for the raptor's name again.

"Joe."  Joe couldn't help himself as he once again corrected the instructor.

"Fling him around. – Several times.  Then toss him viciously on the ground."  Ptery's voice grew harsher, his dislike of the interruption by Joe apparent.

"Now, how should I pick him up?"  Maggie asked, anxious to please the exacting instructor. 

"For now, just perform as you normally would.  Then we'll go over it point by point in detail, so we can see how to safely execute this a movement like this.

Maggie roared her fearsome best, bent down and snatched up Joe. 

"Ouch, oh careful, Maggie."  Joe's voice was lost as Maggie managed a growl around the mouthful of raptor.  She flung her head back and forth, shaking the trembling Joe who squeaked out, "Maggie, you know I get airsick from the least bit of turbulence."  Maggie was caught in the magic of the moment and tossing her head back threw Joe to the ground.

Joe lay dazed on the ground.  The class applauded.  Maggie smiled.

"Yes, impressive."  It was grudgingly said, for Ptery's approval was a rare thing.  Maggie beamed at the praise as Ptery continued, "Now, we will look at how to perform this fight scene safely." 

Joe shook his head to clear it, still not ready to move from his prone position on the ground.

"Get up, come on, we don't have all day, …er, … um, … Joshua."  Ptery wasn't looking at the pitiful raptor as turned to Maggie.  "All right, we'll start again, but after you pick him up stop and we'll adjust the hold."  He turned to the class.  "It is very important before beginning any fight scene to start with stretching exercises.  You will limber up for precisely five minutes."  He turned back to Joe, who was standing there at a loss, wondering what to do.  "Begin exercising, I do not grant special privileges.  You think, perhaps, that you do not have to work out with the others?"  Joe shook his head mutely.  "Then get busy." 

Joe began trying to stretch his aching body.  Compry Bogart was walking among the students commenting on their exercise.  He glanced at Joe sadly, unhappy with the effort he saw.  "Of all the classes, in all the world, he walked into mine."

"Enough!"  Ptery's voice resounded through the clearing.  "You, Jack!"  Joe decided to answer to whatever name was used.  "Resume your original place.  Look dangerous."  As Ptery studied the raptor, he sighed.  "Assume he looks dangerous."  He turned to the T-rex.  "Maggie, grab him and lift him up."  Joe cringed as Maggie obeyed.  "Now hold him steady."  Joe whimpered as the T-rex held him above the ground gripped in her sharp teeth.  Ptery flew up and circled the tableau, eyeing them intently through the monocle.  "Excellent stance, Maggie.  Be quiet, Jordan.  I will not tolerate whining.  Now I will adjust your grip." 

Joe sighed with relief as the pressure eased.  Ptery tapped Joe on chin with his riding crop.  "No, you must seem to be in pain or else the action is not believable."  Obligingly, Joe grimaced.  Ptery rolled his eyes and turned to his class.  "Do you see how realistic this looks?  You, there, Joel, thrash about."  As Joe gave it his best shot, Ptery studied the scene.  "Now, Maggie, you will fling him about as you did before."  Maggie threw her head back and forth, but since she no longer held Joe as securely he flew out of her mouth to the opposite side of the clearing.  He might have been tossed further but a tree stopped him.  With a thud, Joe hit the trunk of the tree and slid to the ground. 

"Oooh, ouch."  The class couldn't help but wince as the poor raptor once again hit the ground.

"That demonstrates the next problem to address.  Once you adjust the grip of the attacker, the victim must now hang on to prevent the premature ending of the fight."  He glanced back at the raptor who hadn't moved from the base of the tree.  "Up now, we have a schedule to keep."  He turned back to Maggie.  "Please grab him again, but as I showed you."  Joe staggered to his feet unsure of what was happening as Maggie reached down and snatched him up.

"Oh! Watch.  Oh, okay."  Joe fearful at first, relaxed as he realized Maggie had him in a more comfortable hold. 

Ptery once again flew up to instruct Joe on how to maintain his grip.   "Bend your legs back like so, you'll be braced against the molars.  With your forelegs maintained a grip on the canine tooth nearest them.  Be sure your hold is not in the view of the camera."  Joe squirmed around and managed to approximate the position dictated.  Ptery circled Maggie's head and nodded his approval.  Backing a bit out of range he then said, "Now, shake him back and forth."  With gusto Maggie launched into her patented T-rex rampage. 

"Ahh, oh, oops."  Sliding about a bit, but with great determination, Joe clung to the inside of Maggie's mouth even as airsickness threatened to overtake him. 

Ptery watched closely.  "See how this enables the realistic continuation of the fight scene.  The fight director can now give a cue and Maggie will fling the vicious raptor to the ground."  He watched a moment more.  Joe's skin was greener than normal.  "Now, Maggie."  With a massive effort, Maggie raised her head and opened her mouth to spit the raptor to the ground.  As her mouth opened, Joe's back legs lost their purchase.  Maggie stood with her mouth open as Joe clung desperately to her tooth.  "No, no, no!"  Ptery was enraged to see the raptor still in the air.  Joe dangled above the ground as his grip slipped from the upper tooth.  The unfortunate raptor fell ignominiously to the ground, landing with a thump at Maggie's feet.

Compry looked at the raptor crumpled on the ground in front of him.  Joe, confused and befuddled, muttered, "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille."  Compry rolled his eyes and threw some water on the beleaguered raptor.  Joe sputtered a bit and sat up.

"Timing is crucial in fight sequences.  When Maggie lets go, it is your responsibility to loosen your hold."  Ptery sternly lectured Joe.  The others in the class listened carefully, knowing their turns would be coming.

Joe turned sad eyes to the instructor, resignedly he asked.  "What should I do?"

"Tuck and roll, of course."  Ptery looked at him aghast that such a simple thing would need to be told.  Then turning to his assistant said, "Compry, please demonstrate a tuck and roll."

The compsognathus laid down his clipboard and with a practiced move went head over heels and rolled back to his feet.  The smooth, seemingly effortless, movement brought a spontaneous round of applause from the class.  "Use the roll of the body to absorb the momentum of the throw and then when you've used up enough energy, land on your feet.  Don't do it too soon or you'll hurt your ankle or your knees."

Joe stood opened mouth at the beauty of the move.  Without any warning Maggie struck, grabbing Joe.  Joe immediately braced himself as Maggie shook him fiercely, and even added some suitable shrieks to lend credence to her efforts as she growled. 

As they heard Ptery's shout of "Now." Maggie opened her mouth in an earsplitting roar, Joe hurled himself from Maggie's grip, tucking his head into his chest and curling his body into a ball.  After he rolled three times, Joe could feel himself slowing so on his next roll he pushed down with his legs, bounded up and turned for the attack.

"Bravo, brava!"  Ptery was delighted.  The class leapt to their feet to give a standing ovation to the impressive twosome.

"I think it's time for lunch, boss."  Compry approached the pterodactyl.

Ptery nodded.  "Yes, we will consider this a good morning's work.  Extra helpings are in order."  Justin smacked his lips in anticipation.  The other carnivores looked equally eager.  Ptery realized the confusion.  "No, I'm not referring to human extras.  We are having the Veronica special this week."

"What's that?"  Arthur the Beetle was fussy about his diet.

"Plenty of fruit and nuts from the plateau."  Compry announced.  "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

** Finis**


End file.
